When a friend hurts you

I bet we all had enemies, at least at school, people who were mean to us for whatever reason or without any, but does one have friends who are or who become mean?

If a friend, who is supposed to be kind, loving, supporting, betrays you and becomes to be mean, rude, degrading to you, what do you do?

First you might not recognize the behaviour. For a friend never could be mean, could he? It is a friend, not an enemy. In order to recognize something one has to know it. If you don’t know that a friend can be mean, you might just let it be. But your inner feelings are hurt…

You are hurt, and you don’t want to be. Because you are humiliated, and you don’t want to be humiliated; who would want to be humiliated? So you might ignore the betrayal of your friend… You might want to act as if it never happened. And your life goes on but your friend keeps on being more and more mean to you, maybe precisely because you never reacted (maybe he/she wanted something from you and couldn’t tell it in your face?), and it hurts more and more until you might explode. And what do you do then?

You are in a position where you can hurt someone yourself. Should you be in this position? Is a reaction as bad as an action? The reaction may enable you to show your “friend” that he/she shouldn’t treat you (or anyone) like he/she did. The reaction is quite natural, but never should be brutal. Yet, what’s next?

Can you keep on hurting since you showed the one who hurt you that he was wrongdoing? Maybe if you lost that person, if he/she couldn’t stand being guilty (he/she resents you for you convicted him/her), cos you lost a friend.

But then you have to ask yourself? Was he/she really a friend? Would a friend hurt another? Even though you had wonderful times together. Is it worth the suffering? And also, what kind of person treats another like that? The kind you avoided at school, the enemies. Do you really want to cry over an enemy?

Yes, because you are a kind person, you want everyone to be happy and nice. And now you think: have I done something wrong? Maybe I have, indeed, done something wrong? But your friend wasn’t able to tell what you done wrong. He was only able to tell you what things he didn’t like in you…

So, the eternal question, why? Why did it happen? He/she may have had his/her reasons, but you shouldn’t blame yourself, you were never mean to him/her. You can only pity him/her. And send him/her your love. The hardest thing to you when hurt, but the easiest to stop hurting.

But maybe you should stop seeing this person you called a friend? Maybe he/she has his/her own demons to fight… You might want to help him/her fight, but maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe he/she has to do it him/herself, otherwise he/she will never grow and will keep on hurting other people…

What is your life? What are your goals? You too should be growing. Maybe also thanks to him/her?

Published in: on February 4, 2012 at 12:11 am  Leave a Comment  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://jolacora.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/when-a-friend-hurts-you/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: